Parenting is hard, and one of the hardest and most surprising parents about parenting is when we are triggered by our own child’s behaviors. As parents, it’s common to feel overwhelmed when our child’s behavior feels like too much to handle. Whether it’s constant arguing, whining, or meltdowns, hello being triggered! This is one of the top struggles we hear from parents and have experienced ourselves. Learning how to manage reactions is important for your wellness, your child’s growth and your relationship with your child.
Why Does Your Child’s Behavior Trigger You?
Understanding why certain behaviors trigger us can help you stay calm and manage your response in these moments of parenting.
- Past Experiences: Our child’s behavior might remind us of something from our own childhood, causing emotional responses to arise.
- Exhaustion and Stress : Parenthood and life is exhausting, and when we are tired we know we are not our best selves nor is our tolerance level very high. If we are already dealing with stress in other areas of life, our child’s behavior might feel like the tipping point.
- Expectations: When our kiddos don’t meet our expectations or does something that goes against our values, it can be frustrating and disappointing. There can also be a fear that our kids will show certain behaviors for their entire life– deep breath, just because your child is taking a toy from a friend now does not mean they will be stealing things as an adult.
What to Do When You’re Triggered
Here are a few strategies to help you stay calm and respond thoughtfully when you’re triggered:
- Pause and Breathe: When you feel triggered, take a moment to pause and breathe. A few seconds of deep breathing can help you regain composure and avoid reacting in the heat of the moment.
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel frustrated or upset. Acknowledge your emotions so you can deal with them instead of letting them control your reaction.
- Reflect on the Cause: Think about why your child’s behavior is triggering you. Is it something from your past? Are you feeling burnt out? Does their behavior not align with your values? Is this just normal child development? Understanding the deeper cause can help build some empathy.
- Give Yourself Grace: Parenting is tough, and no one is perfect. If you lose your cool– forgive yourself, apologize to your child and repair the relationship with some connection.
- Take a Break: If needed, step away to cool down. It’s okay to take a moment for yourself to regain control before responding. This also models for your child something they can do when they are feeling overwhelmed.
- Seek Support: If certain behaviors trigger you regularly, talk to someone you trust or seek professional support. Sharing your experience can provide perspective and helpful strategies. You are certainly not alone in this and you may be surprised to find that your best friend who seems to have it all together also has moments like this. A family therapist is also a great resource to partner with you to dig deeper into how you were parented, any past trauma, support you with your emotions, and help with any parenting skills. They can also meet with you as the entire family to work toward more connection and harmony in the family.
You’ve Got This!
Feeling triggered by your child’s behavior is completely normal. By practicing self-awareness, seeking understanding, and finding support when needed, you can handle challenging moments with more patience and grace. Remember, parenting is a journey of growth—for both you and your child. You’ve got this!
